Anal sex is not everyone's cup of tea. The mystery and taboo that surrounds it might make it seem like the big thing everyone wants to try, but the bottom line is that some people like it and some people don't.
So how can you tell if you do or you don't without doing, at least once? It's not like kissing, an activity that we explore through experimentation with others who we may not know or even particularly like.
No matter how you do it, anal sex requires a certain amount of exposure.
The best way to try it out is to try it out on yourself. Aside from being fun in and of itself, anal masturbation allows you to focus on yourself and pay attention to what feels good (and what doesn’t), which is information you’ll want to share with anyone you’re planning on having anal sex with.
- Do Your Homework
If you like to read, there are lots of great books about anal sex, and most sex manuals include at least a chapter on it. If you prefer to watch, there are a few recommended educational videos. However you learn, start by learning the basic parts of your anal anatomy, including the sphincter muscles, anal canal, and the prostate gland (if you've got one). There’s nothing like hands-on education, but checking out the road map first might help you orient yourself a little easier.
- Glove Up
The best way to begin anal exploration is with your own touch. Many of us have hang-ups about anal sex because of the proximity to feces that it involves. In practice avoiding feces during anal sex is easier than you think. Using latex or nitrile gloves is the easiest way to keep your anal play safe and clean. Gloves prevent fluid transmission, and they also smooth out any dry skin or minor hang nails. Make sure you get gloves that fit you well.
- Lube Up
Personal lubricant is essential for anal masturbation. Neither the anus nor the rectum produce their own lubrication, and tissue inside the anus tears easily. Using a good quality lubricant will not only make things slide in and out easier, but it will reduce the chances of damaging tissue. You’ll need to keep adding more lubricant as you play. Choose a lubricant that’s good for anal sex, which means it will be long-lasting, thicker, and contain no desensitizing ingredients.
- Take Time to Explore
You can’t rush into things when it comes to anal masturbation. The anus and the sphincter muscles in particular need time to relax and get used to a new kind of touch and stimulation. Make sure you have plenty of time and privacy the first few times you play, so you can focus on what you’re feeling and not on worrying about who might knock on your door and interrupt you.
- Start Outside
Once you’ve got a glove on and put some lube on your fingers, start exploring the outside of your anus. Gently massage the area of the skin around the anal opening, and pay attention to what it feels like. Pay attention to your breath, and keep breathing deeply as you explore. If you can, it’s best to do this with your own fingers first so you can feel your body respond to your own touch. If you’re not finding the touch arousing but want to continue, you can stimulate other parts of your body at the same time to increase your arousal. Don’t focus on penetration at this point.
- Going In the First Time
When you’re ready to put a finger inside, don’t try to poke or use the tip of your finger. Instead, place the pad of your finger gently against the opening of the anus and apply gentle pressure (as if pressing on a computer touchpad or doorbell). Keep breathing and moving the pad of your finger around in circles on the anal opening. If you gently bear down, you should feel your sphincter muscles relax and your finger should slide in. If you feel any pain, just slow down and add more lubricant.
- Places to Explore
Once you’ve comfortably got a finger inside, explore some of the pleasurable points. The opening of the anus contains the highest concentration of nerve endings. Inside the anus responds mostly to feelings of fullness or pressure. If you have a prostate gland, putting pressure on the front wall of the anus a couple of inches in will stimulate it. If you have a clitoris, the tip of the (internal) clitoral body can also be stimulated through the anus.
- Different Movements
Once you’re comfortable with penetration of one finger, you can start experimenting with different kinds of movement. What does it feel like to move your finger in and out completely or to move it in and then pull out without removing your whole finger? You can rotate your finger gently while inside the anus, paying attention to how the pressure on different sides of the anal canal feels.
- Getting Used to Size
The sphincter muscles are capable of stretching significantly, and the anal canal can accommodate reasonably large size body parts or anal sex toys. To do this safely, however, you need to build gradually. If you’re interested in being penetrated by something larger than a finger, anal masturbation is a good way to get comfortable with bigger sizes. Once you’ve got one finger in, you can move to two fingers. You can also use anal sex toys and build up from small to large sizes.
- Cleaning Up
Even if you don’t see it, fecal matter and bacteria can and will be spread if you touch anything after touching the outside or inside of your anus. You should never move from anal play to vaginal play without washing carefully first. Bacteria that live happily in the anus are not happy in the vagina, and can cause serious infection. Below are some tips on cleaning up after anal masturbation.
- Taking Off the Gloves
Avoid touching the outside of the glove you used to touch yourself. To remove your gloves, put a clean finger under the cuff of the glove and pull it down and right off your hand at once, so that the glove turns completely inside out. This way you won’t come in contact with any part of the outside surface of the glove. If both hands are gloved, wash your hands carefully after removing your gloves.
- Cleaning Sex Toys and Lube Bottles
If you touched your bottle of lubricant with a glove that had been inside you, wash the outside of the bottle carefully as well. Try to avoid touching the cap with the same hand you are using to touch yourself as the cap is often a harder part of the bottle to get clean. The easiest way to keep anal sex toys clean is to put a new condom on the toy each time. If you have silicone anal toys, you can boil them in water for 2 to 5 minutes. Remember to wash your hands after cleaning toys and lube bottles.
- Remember: Anal Sex Doesn't Have to HurtIf it is hurting you need to slow down and be sure you’re using enough lubricant. If you’re going very slow, using a lot of lubricant and are turned on but still experiencing pain or discomfort, you may want to talk with your doctor to make sure there isn’t something unrelated to the way your playing that is causing you pain.